Student finds courage in her art

BY CHRISTY DUAN • FREE PRESS SPECIAL WRITER • August 12, 2008

For Naomi Zaslow, Orthodox Judaism gave her a clear path in life. She'd go to Jewish school and Jewish summer camp. After high school, she'd get married, or maybe go to a Jewish college in New York and then get married.
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But since her birth on the Sabbath, a holy day of rest, Zaslow has proven restless.

She followed a different path, graduating from the University of Michigan School of Art and Design. That path also has led her to accept her sexual orientation.

Although the Miami native usually is hidden behind a camera, Zaslow's photographs show that she has nothing to hide.

Through "unOrthodox," her senior thesis, Zaslow deconstructs her identity with eight photographs accompanied by audio of her creative nonfiction writing.

"It's like the idea of intersectionality," said Zaslow, 22, of Ann Arbor. "Which is more important: being queer, a woman or Jewish? None can be. There are so many facets of identity that come into play. It's a sum of all those parts."

Facing the decision of a religious or gay community, Zaslow chose a third option. She chose to become Post Denominational. She's involved within the Orthodox Jewish community but adopts aspects relevant to her life.

"When I make art, I want people to feel when they look at it. It's not a matter of 'Is this a pretty picture or not?' " Zaslow said. "People felt something. People started to cry."

But before she accepted her own identity, she was struggling to find her place in the community.

"All the other girls were fawning over young men in their pubescent glory. I wasn't attracted to them. They had acne. They were my friends," she recalled of her 12-year-old self.

"I tried to foster that 'I'm straight, I'm straight, I'm straight.' I thought of all the guys in class. I would think, 'Well, he's good at math and he likes "Star Wars," so it's not a total lie if I said I like him.' "

In an attempt to closet herself, Zaslow covered the walls of her room with posters of boys.

When she read a Newsweek article about Matthew Shepard, a gay student from the University of Wisconsin who was robbed, tortured and left to die, Zaslow was distraught. She sat on her flowered bedspread and wept as posters of Seth Green, Blink-182 and the Beastie Boys surrounded her.

Even though she convinced herself that she was straight, Zaslow would secretly retrieve a gay life column from the garbage after her father edited the paper.

Locking herself in the bathroom, she would spread the forbidden pages on the linoleum floor and read.

Before she knew it, she had spent three years poring over the column.

Amid lectures reproaching so-called deviant behavior and a classmate's denial of the existence of gay Jews, Zaslow created an art portfolio centered on a fictional girl about to die.

"I never expressed to my friends or art teacher that the reason why this girl felt she could never go to heaven was because she was gay. But when people saw it, they understood that I was depressed," Zaslow said. "One night, I realized that if I didn't tell someone, it would be very hard for me to keep surviving."

Although no one in the class earned higher than a two -- or a D in a college-level art course -- the experience made Zaslow realize that she needed to come out.

Since then, she has come out to her friends, brother and mother, but not her father.

"My mom wasn't surprised. My father probably already knows it, but you just don't see what you don't want to see. Self-editing is a huge problem, but between our parents and us, things are so different," Zaslow said.

For those facing similar challenges, Zaslow urges caution -- and hope.

"It feels trite, but you're not alone. Because people do feel alone. It's scary. If you reach out, bad things can happen, do happen," Zaslow said. "But sometimes you do need to take the risk. There are places where you can find support. Things do get better.

"I figured it out in my own way -- through art."